A wise man once said, “To pick up clothes and wash them, dry them, fold them, and put them away is the lamest, most time-consuming chore known to man.” And you know what? He was absolutely correct. You know what else? It wasn’t a man who said it, it was a woman. And that woman was me. I have no beef with the dishes. No problem vacuuming, or washing the windows. But laundry is the never ending gentle cycle from hell. My Friends, I give you Ten Reasons Why I’d Rather Eat Canned Spinach Than Do Laundry…
1. While canned spinach smells horrible, stinky socks smell far less appetizing.
2. Disgusting as it may be, spinach is packed with vitamins. Who knows what’s packed in my children’s pockets.
3. Eating an entire can of spinach couldn’t take longer than forty-five minutes. Completing a single load of laundry could take me forty-five years.
4. I would rather have Popeye on my side than that creepy snugly bear. Popeye has more integrity and would probably make a better friend. I guarantee you that snugly bear has a shady past and is not to be trusted. Plus Popeye could kick the crap out of the snugly bear.
5. Puke stains.
6. Yes I’ve heard of Spray and Wash. Sixty percent of the time it works every time.
7. Spinach doesn’t shrink to baby-doll size when you accidentally dry it.
8. If I save half the can of spinach for later, it doesn’t grow into an unconquerable pile of spinach so enormous and deep I fear for my children lest they fall into its murky depths.
9. My mom has yet to become so concerned about my ability to eat canned spinach than she gives me a step-step-book about how to go about it.
10. There are limitless cans of spinach in the world but I have nothing left to wear.
You can pass that book along to Wayne. I’m sure it could do him some good, too. Thanks mom!
P.S. Mom, I’m kidding. Please DON’T send one.
The book is on the way! (As soon as I remember what book it was and where I got it.)
I, personally, enjoy doing laundry, the beautiful clean smell, the brilliant whiteness of the whites. Perhaps that’s why I didn’t really insist that my kids do their own. So sorry to you spouses.
Yah. Thanks for that.
Di, are you really blocked from my blog or are you just not visiting any more? I would never block you. I haven’t heard from you or Wayne since my stupid attempt at being funny. PLEASE GIVE Me Another chance… I promise I’ll be good… Just kidding, but I will be really, really nice… What about Bob??????
Bob, check the comments on your most recent blog. I think you will find that I am no longer blocked although for about a day there whenever I attempted a comment a little window would say, “You are the one they call Di? Gina doesn’t love you anymore and doesn’t want to hear any of your self-absorbed commentary.” And then it would kick me off. No lie. But its working just fine now.
I don’t know what it is about our families and laundry, but I totally hate it too…all my sisters have the same problem as do my brothers, LOL. I like fresh spinach.
Laundry? Who does laundry anymore? That’s so last year…
And yes, I know I’ve been away for a couple days. I was under the porch, licking my wounds.
I’m pretty sure the last time we were without piles of laundry laying somewhere in the house WAS last year, Wayno. That last comment was very telling.
Mom, have you sent that book yet?
Where DID you get that book mom? I’m pretty sure there are not many in print. Diana, you might want to hang onto that baby–it may be the only one ever printed! I’m gonna write a book on how to correctly mop a floor just to see how many suckas buy it. I know I already have at least one customer.
Sorry Mom.
Shana, cut me some slack will ya. It’s only April!
… I feel very underappreciated. Anybody know of any good romance novels I might like?
A couple I think might be of interest to you:
The Hot Loins of O’Reilly
O’Reilly Reads Between the Lines
That O’Reilly’s so hot right now.
Di, I am so glad you are back on my blog! You weren’t supposed to be able to see all of those comments… I will be sending a strongly worded letter to those blog directors!!! Wayne, I have a couple of novels to suggest too…”Hey, Suckka’s: A tale of two Vacuums” by Dustin Thair, and “I Mop” by the hot new author, Angpang.
Would that be about the suckka that got duped into buying a $1000 vacuum cleaner?
Yaasshh! The very same!
The book’s called “Betty’s Book of Laundry Secrets” and its actually quite fascinating. Did you know that improper sorting is one of the most common mistakes a beginner can make?
You’re supposed to sort it?
But Di, you are married to a born Sor-ter…so make him do it.
Ha!
Diana, “we’re Gonna Be Friends”, by the White Stripes on your music player sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks. You might want to change it… unless you like it of course.
Hmmm. Must have been a fluke- seems to be working fine now.