Its been a busy year. Too busy. Like, there-are-so-many-things-vying-for-my-attention-I-can’t-focus-on-one-long-enough-to-blog-about-it busy. I intend to cut back. But the truth is, whenever I find myself with a quiet moment alone I panic- “How long will this moment last?” “What shall I do with this moment?” until said moment is wasted in indecision and I end up huddled in the corner of my closet checking facebook on my phone, which is the last way I would choose to spend my time. Just as eating stale gummy bears from my pantry isn’t the way I’d choose to spend my daily caloric intake, but as there is nothing more delicious in the house, I settle.
Its nobody’s fault but my own, really. In trying to be a productive, responsible, creative, hygienic person, I have inadvertently created a mental list of expectations I can never meet. For some reason I think I should be able to go to the gym, write a book, raise a family, teach piano, maintain a clean and awesomely decorated house and shower no problem. I know women who make this look like cake. Red-velvet cake in an alternate reality where I’m a friggin’ super hero and not an anxiety-ridden mother of three high-maintenance children who refuse to dress themselves in weather-appropriate clothing, eat most foods, or sleep. Because realistically I can either raise a family and shower OR go to the gym and teach piano without showering while one of my children throws a ginormous tantrum because I insisted she wear socks to school.
And then there’s the economy, and family members who can’t stop making self-destructive decisions, and the upcoming zombie apocalypse to prepare for, and Christmas…
Sorry, I had to take a moment to self-sooth (eat stale gummy bears in my closet by the light of my phone, discovering more ways I am inadequate via Pinterest). Let’s bring it down a notch: I have a good life. I married my best friend, we have three beautiful and healthy children, and a sweet little house with a yard. And if the world ends Friday it wont matter that I never ran a marathon or finished a book. It wont matter that my house wasn’t perfectly clean or that my kids had some bizarre sock-prejudices.
And when the sun rises Saturday morning and life goes on, I hope I can remember that I’m meeting my real goal every day I get out of bed and serve my family, every day I make someone else feel loved. Maybe if I stopped trying so hard to be perfect I could actually enjoy being good. Instead of settling for facebook and stale gummy bears, maybe I should settle for quiet moments alone and just let myself be happy.
Its either that or 5-hour energy drinks. Your pick.
cheers!! here’s to living a good life. smiles, i like promoting the “to-done list” rather than a “to-do” list because it just feels better to brag on what happened rather than wishful thinking.
i could have sworn i’d commented here. LOL. here’s to living!!