“Ten Reasons Why I’d Rather Be Electrocuted than Scrapbook.”
1) Being electrocuted is far less humiliating than purchasing stickers that say “Holly’s First Crap” on them. Holly does not want to be reminded of that.
2) A little electric shock hurts for a moment. An unfortunate seventh-grade portrait commemorated on paisley-patterned- paper hurts for a lifetime.
3) Fact: 4509678868 people a year die from neglected paper cuts.
4) Electrocution makes for an interesting story, while stories about scrap-booking lead to anxiety and depression.
5) The thought that goes into creating a unique scrap-booking page could be better spent thinking about how to get your hair as voluminous as it was that time you were electrocuted.
6) Electrocution is free.
7) When you accidentally electrocute yourself you learn the valuable lesson of not sticking a knife into a toaster. When you accidentally scrapbook you learn the valuable lesson of gut-wrenching loneliness.
8) Anything printed on a sticker is better left unsaid.
9) The shock of electrocution is nothing compared to the shock of someone actually expressing interest in the album you spent innumerable hours painfully piecing together.
10) My chances of surviving electrocution are greater than my chances of surviving an encounter with a hardcore crafter down a dimly-lit embellishment isle.
Ten Reasons Why I’d Rather: Part Three
You know, I have to admit the older I get, the more I realize what a jerk I really am. Not a jerk in that I wouldn’t help someone out. Or that I’m impolite or would ever bring my baby to a movie theater. But I can be a real snark when it comes to taste in music, books, movies- or people who speed through residential neighborhoods. Yes, I can own being a jerk upon occasion. And one of those occasions (I am sorry to tell you) is right now. Because I have a little confession to make, something that may or may not offend more than a few of my friends and family members. But I have to be honest: I hate scrapbooking. I loath the stickers and the adorable catch phrases that come in packets of three, bedecked in ribbon and festive paper. I despise cutting with those horrible scissors that make stupid shapes and I detest those little photo-tape dispensers that don’t even work properly. I use acid-free albums to clean up cat poo. And that isn’t even convenient. Hey, told you I could be a jerk but hear me out-
6 COMMENTS
I dunno, if a sticker actually said, “Holly’s first CRAP” on it, scrapbookimg may be worth reconsidering…
Wow, knife in the toaster, I had a brush with a fork in a toaster… Never forget that lesson… Where were my parents????
I am more offended than I have ever been in my life. You are a jerk! ~ _
LQTM (laugh quietly to myself). Did you just give me the Tom Jone’s eyebrow???
I don’t know who Tom Jones is, if you are picturing the following image, you are right on:
http://whinesisters.com/images/uploads/eyebrowDwayne_Johnson.jpg
by the power of grey skull…i think down a dimly-lit embellishment isle, i’d probably go for door number three and summon batman!